


when it all comes crashing down

by BirdBirdBirdBird



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Buck angst, Buddie angst, M/M, We're sad in this house
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 07:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21194234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BirdBirdBirdBird/pseuds/BirdBirdBirdBird
Summary: dont you love when three of your worst past experiences send you into a whirlwind of panic at the same time?





	when it all comes crashing down

**Author's Note:**

> tw: badly written panic attack, implied ptsd, child endangerment
> 
> This..... is definitely not my best work AT ALL but yknow I gotta satisfy my 911 discord pals  
I see yall 💕
> 
> so uh... yeah have fun.
> 
> wont lie I wrote this in two sittings in the span of abt a month LMAOOOOO

For a long time, Buck couldn't get out of the truck. Well, maybe it felt like a long time, but he couldn't take a step. Couldnt slide out of the seat. And then he could.  
  
Buck was bolting through crowds, making his way to the first crash victim. "Sir, I need you to stay calm, we'll have you out of here as soon as possible- Chim, get the jaws!" He ordered. "Just stay calm-"  
  
"Sure, because you definitely look calm!" The man shrieked in hysteria. Buck paused. Was he freaking out? No, no way, he's good. "I smell gas, do you smell gas?!"  
  
Buck forced himself to calm a bit and smell the air. Blood, metal, metallic water, maybe a little gas- water? "No sir, we're going to get you out of here." He repeated. Chim sprinted over with the jaws and began setting them up to help the shocked man out of his crumpled vehicle.  
  
Buck stepped back a few steps, eyes blindly surveying where else he could go. The second car was smashed into a fire hydrant that was spewing water at intense speeds, flipped onto its side. The ground was slowly being covered in a thicker and deeper layer of city water.  
  
"Buck!" Bobby shouted. Buck looked at him with unseeing eyes. Bobby put a hand on his shoulder. "You doing alright?"  
  
"Y..yeah. Yeah, I'm alright." Buck swallowed.  
  
Bobby pat him on the back. "Good. Lady's delerious, no idea where she is or what happened. Concussion and a few broken bones," he hesitated. "Pinned beneath the front wheel of her car."  
  
Buck snapped his gaze back at Bobby. What? "She-"  
  
Bobby touched his shoulder again. "No idea how she ended up down there. We're thinking the impact flung her out the windshield and the car kept going. Are you gonna be okay?"  
  
Buck looked at the car, the tires, the tires that sat on top of some lady. Her screams were becoming louder and louder as the ground around her head was filling with water. How had he not heard her before?  
  
Not responding to Bobby, Buck took off to the woman, falling to his knees and holding her head above the ground. You arent supposed to move people but this woman was going to drown in sewer water if he didnt. He could get a closer look at her- a massive gash to the head, scrapes and cuts, both legs trapped beneath the crunched up tire and front. "Hi, ma'am, I need you to look at me and stop struggling, okay?"  
  
The woman wasn't a great listener. "Tina!" She wailed. "My daughter! My daughter, have you seen her?!"  
  
Hen looked at Buck. "There isnt anyone else in the car, we dont have anyone saying she did." She gave him the same look as Bobby.  
  
Buck pushed the woman into a sitting position, despite screams of pain. "What's your name?"  
  
"Shana," she gasped. "My daughter, Tina, shes 12, please find her, please find her," Shana gasped for air as her screams filled the spaces between words.  
  
Buck looked at Hen. "We need to get this off of her, the water isnt stopping and it's going to get into her wounds." He urged.  
  
Chim appeared next to Hen with a jack in his hand. "We're on it." The two started working.  
  
Buck touched the woman's hands. "Its going to be okay, I promise you." He squeezed. "I was in your situation not too long ago."  
  
Shana wrenched her eyes open to look at him. "You're the bomb firefighter." She breathed. "You got stuck."  
  
Buck nodded. "And I'm back." He looked behind him. Eddie was checking out the rattled man, who seemed to be okay other than a few bruises. Bobby and Athena were keeping bystanders and traffic back. Hen and Chim were trying to get the damn car off this lady.  
  
Shana squeezed his hand and grabbed his shoulder. "My daughter. I promise you, she was in the car with me. We-we had just been school shopping," her voice choked. "I got her that brand new backpack she had saved her money for."  
  
Buck felt that familiar panic in his stomach. Felt the water rush around his body. Christopher! The voice screamed in his head. Yellow shirt, brown hair, CP, he's only eight- he looked away from her, against his better judgment. His eyes fell upon a holy grail in the midst of murky water and blood. A pink backpack sitting on the edge of the road, almost tipping over the railway. "What color is her bag?"  
  
Shana had a brace on and couldn't see anything but Buck and the car. "It's pink- it has a fluff ball, and a charger, and a speaker-" she screamed again as the car shifted.  
  
Buck looked at her, then hurriedly at the car. He sprang to his feet, looking at the windows of the car and discovered the left, rear window was wide open. "Shana! Was your daughter wearing a seatbelt?!"  
  
Shana whimpered. "She was taking her sweatshirt off so I told her she could unbuckle and I- oh god..." she sobbed.  
  
Buck spun on his heels and sprinted towards the railway, peering over the edge. It was just a hill that led to a canal. Buck slid down the hill, tumbling to a halt just before he slid into the canal himself. Bloody fingerprints could be seen on the edge, and then they dragged down, like someone had tried to hold on but slid in.  
  
Oh fuck.  
  
Buck broke out into a terrified run along the side. "TINA! TINA!" He screamed. "TINA WHERE ARE YOU?!"  
  
No sign of her. Buck's feet beat the ground at knee-jarring speeds. No sign of her. The accident was getting further away. No sign of her. Buck's throat hurt. No sign of her.  
  
"Help!"  
  
Buck halted so hard he almost ate it.  
  
"Help me! Help! Help!" A young voice cried.  
  
Buck saw the tiny head dip and resurface in the water as it pulled her along. "I've got you!" He shouted, getting to the edge. Water. That's a lot of water. The pier- stop. Buck closed his eyes and shuddered. There wasnt time. Buck shouted, throat raw, flinging himself into the water.  
  
For a moment, he was back, when his head was under the water. Spinning aimlessly through the murky ocean water as cheap prizes and debris flew past him. Christopher slid out of his arms as he was pulled by the current.  
  
And then he was up. He was Buck. He was going to save this little girl. Buck's arms wrapped around the little girl, pulling them both to the surface. Tina cried and wailed as she clung tightly to him. Buck pushed through the water to the edge, the strong currents sweeping his body down. "Grab on!" He put a hand on her lower back and forced her up to grab the lip of the canal. Tina whimpered and sobbed but managed to do so. "Pull!"  
  
Tina struggled and slowly hefted herself up onto her elbows, her little high tops scraping against the stone as she pulled herself up. Buck jammed his elbows and palms against the wall, helping to stay still. Panic gripped his heart as the water slid over her shoulders, hitting his chin, getting in his mouth.  
  
Tina flung herself over the edge, disappearing from Buck's view as she lay flat against the grass. "M-Mama, mama-" she hiccuped. "Mister where's my ma-mama?"  
  
Buck was slipping. "She's up there, okay? But right now she's really hurt and I need to make sure you're okay, okay? Can you-" he screamed when his foot slipped and he dunked under the water. Buck shot to the surface, boots scrambling on the slick wall, hands looking for any hold. Buck's right one stung as it scraped on a very small divet in the wall. "Tina, I need you to help me!" He shouted. "I need you to give me your hand!"  
  
"Wh-what?!" Tina looked over the edge st him. They weren't all that far, Buck could almost reach the lip, fingertips just a centimeter away. "H-How-?"  
  
Buck stretched up and pushed off with his feet, grabbing her arm. Tina lurched forward, screaming as she dug her elbows into the stone, unshifting. Buck hurled himself over the edge, arms screaming in pain. "Oh my god."  
  
Tina cried loudly, nursing her scraped elbows. "You saved me, I saved you!" She sobbed, crawling over to lay down by him. "Mister firefighter, we saved each other."  
  
You saved him, Buck. There's no one I trust with my son more than you.  
  
Buck closed his eyes. Water soaked into his clothes, chilling him to the bone, despite the 90 degree weather. "Yeah." He coughed. "Yeah." He was so cold.  
  
"Tina!" Shana screamed from above. Buck wasn't sure if the car was off of her or not.  
  
"Mama?" Tina gasped. "Mama! Mama I'm here!" She wailed, jumping to her feet and rushing to the side of the embankment. She almost made it there, but she suddenly fell and cried, clutching her knee. "Mama!"  
  
Buck snapped out of his daze at her cry of pain. He stumbled to her side, kneeling down and pushing her to get up a little ways. "I'll take you up, get on my back honey, okay? Come on," he pulled her onto his back, hefting himself to his feet.  
  
She wrapped her left leg around his hips, the right hanging limply. "Please hurry, my knee really hurts-" she coughed.  
  
Buck nodded and started his treck up the hill, calves burning as he struggled to keep upright on the steep hill. He could spot Bobby just right past the railing, so close. A cry for help sat rooted in his throat, but before he could spit it out, Bobby disappeared. Buck groaned, body screaming for him just to lay down, give up, let the waves take him away, but he couldn't, he had to go on, he had to get Tina back, he had to get Christopher back.  
  
What was really only a few more high-footed steps felt like miles of mud as he made a guttural shout for help, swinging Tina off his back to pass her over the railing. "I need help!" He coughed, head spinning.  
  
Chim stared, wide eyed at him. "Buck?! where the hell did you go?!" He ran over, taking the girl from his shaking arms. "You just dis- she's wet?" He looked at Buck. "You're wet."  
  
Buck hopped over the railing. "Not buckled, flew out of the car, embankment leads to a canal."  
  
Tina clutched Chim. "I held on so tight but right when he came down I sl-slipped."  
  
Buck swallowed, clothes dripping on the ground. He was. So. Cold. "Go," He saw Chim hesitate and look like he was about to help Buck before the girl. "I said go!"  
  
Chim took off towards an ambulance, presumably where the girl's mother was, the little girl held tight in his arms. Buck's eyelids drooped and rose, head feeling heavy, body heavy, like he was filled with water. "Christopher," he swallowed dryly. "Christopher."  
  
The water sloshed around his pants, dragging him back as he tried to push forward. A body impaled against a giant tree branch drifted past him as gently as someone floating the river, eyes partially closed but not quite enough. There was a car honking in the distance, above the water. Someone touched Buck.  
  
Buck fought against the current that was pulling debris past him. "Christopher!" He tried to shout, but nothing louder than a whisper got past his lips. "Little boy, yellow shirt, brown... brown hair, glasses... CP, little boy..."  
  
Someone touched him again. Someone needed help, she was crying, trying to grab his shirt and his face. Buck could hear "help". Buck couldn't help, he needed Chris. Buck didn't have time, Buck-  
  
"Evan Buckley... you're alright... Chris is with Carla..."  
  
What the fuck.  
  
"...panic attack?"  
  
What the fuck?  
  
"...ere is my wife?!"  
  
That's "the fuck". Buck blinked. The water was gone. Hen was there with a man. The man looked a lot like Tina. "She's okay, Tina is." He blurted. Jesus, he's going to puke.  
  
The man sighed a breath he must've been holding for hours. "Oh Jesus, God, I don't- and my wife? How is Shana?"  
  
Hen looked at Buck and then the husband. "Well, she-"  
  
"Her car flipped and her legs were pinned beneath the car. She could lose them both or she'll be bed ridden for months," Buck said bluntly. "I'm sorry. She's alive and they're taking your family to the hospital right now."  
  
The husband opened his mouth to speak, some recognition flashing in his eyes, before a shout cut him off. "DADDY!" He whipped around and saw Tina leaning out of the ambulance door, her little body wrapped in a silver shock blanket.  
  
"Tina, baby!" He shouted, running and almost toppling over as Tina leapt into his arms. "Oh, Tina-babyit's okay, I'm right here, dont you worry, its okay." He cried into her hair, holding her around the shoulders. "I've got you."  
  
Buck watched them blearily as they were ushered into an ambulance, the sirens screaming as it disappeared around a corner. The second ambulance was taking the less injured driver.  
  
Hen was still next to him, a hand finding it's way to his shoulder. "Buck, you need to sit down."  
  
Buck shook his head, a barely noticable movement. "N-Nn-n." Not quite a no. He took a step to the side, knees shaking. Suddenly, his left knee buckled in towards the other, the side of his head colliding with the pavement as the cold soaked through to his bones.  
  
"Shit!" Hen shouted. "Bobby, Chim, Eddie!"  
  
Buck covered his face with his hands, which were wrinkled and also cold. He couldn't feel the fingertips. It was 90 degrees. There was water every where, it was going to drown them, it was going to drown Christopher.  
  
People were speaking, he couldn't listen. Buck's stomach coiled. Where the fuck is he?  
  
Faces flashed and glimmered in the crowd of people around him, only one made it through. It laid the same direction as his, same level. Eddie laid next to him. "Buck!"  
  
Buck opened and shut his mouth like a gasping fish. "Christopher is-"  
  
Eddie laid a hand- oh god, so warm -on his cheek. "Is safe at Carla's. He's okay, you're okay." He scotched closer until he was inches from Buck. "We're all safe."  
  
Buck closed his eyes, a hand moving to touch Eddie's. "Eddie, I'm back. The truck, it- I'm under- my leg-" he whimpered against his better judgement.  
  
"Hey, hey," Eddie focused his eyes onto Buck's. "You're safe, you aren't pinned, you're okay. Your leg is healed. You are safe."  
  
Buck's safe. Eddie's with him.  
  
Buck's not healed. Definitely not.  
  
His body, his heart, his soul, his mind, none of it is healed. The healing process is long and grueling, Buck had tried it so many times, he just couldn't-  
  
Buck couldn't do it alone.  
  
Buck closed his eyes, coming down, Eddie's gloved thumb stroking his cheek gently. Buck's hands were warming up.  
  
Buck wasn't healed.  
  
Buck looked at Eddie's eyes, then in them.  
  
Not by any means.  
  
Eddie smiled warmly, eyes squishing ever so slightly.  
  
But before, Buck was going through it alone.  
  
Buck held Eddie's hand to his face, aware that there were other hands on him, some on his shoulders, some fixing an oxygen masking over his mouth. All of them were reassuring.  
  
This time Buck knew it-  
  
Buck smiled.  
  
He wasn't alone.  
  
Eddie smiled back, making it a little brighter than before.  
  
He never was.  
  
Buck may have been collapsed on the ground in front of his closest friends, but that's alright. He has all the time in the world to get better. Right now is his.  
  
Buck thinks he can learn to love that.

**Author's Note:**

> and YES I did intentionally end it with buck just chilling on the ground because I DONT KNOW HOW TO END MY STORIES
> 
> please leave kudos and comment, I survive on validation


End file.
